*~amy~* (sern_terd) wrote in gangsta_gossip,

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not really gossip...but you know...

ok, so this isnt really gossip, but it's something that i need to talk about. and some of you will have no idea what im talking about, but those of you who do need to give me some input...

tommy wants to be friends with me again, and i dont know what i should do. jess talked to him the other night online and he said that he really misses me and wants to be friends again. he said that he was such an idiot, and wishes that he could take everything back that he said/did to hurt me. he also said that he really wants to be able to tell me that he loves me again and he wants things to go back to normal (us driving around in wilton and hanging out all the time...you get the idea) i honestly dont know what to do here...i mean, there's a part of me that is THRILLED and excited and happy that he wants to be friends again. and that part of me also wants to be friends with him. but there's the other part of me that thinks things are too different now and my life has changed too much. i mean, i have new friends now. i have a new best friend now. i do things now that i know he wouldnt approve of. ugh. i dont know.

honestly, i really do miss him more than anything. and i still love him. and i do want to be friends again. but he hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me before, and im supposed to just forgive that? i cant and wont lie though. knowing that tommy wants to be friends again is like me knowing that im about to win the lottery or buy a brand new car. im so happy and excited it almost makes me want to cry. but im scared. im afraid of getting close again, and getting hurt and let down. i dont want to set myself up for another fall. before he did this to me, i was positive that he would never hurt me. but now that i know he's capable if doing it, and hurting me THIS MUCH, im afraid to let him back in.

i dont know...

advice please???
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